Home Sweet Home

We made it home!  We drove back to Bentonville on Friday afternoon.  The drive was very emotional for me.  It brought back all of the feelings from the drive down to Little Rock three weeks earlier.  I kept replaying the drive down in my head and how scared we were.   I was worried about getting in a car wreck and worried about distancing ourselves from the hospital.  Evan rode with Scott and Hannah rode with me.  We also had to pass the hospital he was born in and all I could picture in my head was the helicopter taking off with Evan and Scott in it and how I fell to my knees in the parking lot.  I will never be able to pass the hospital without seeing those images in my mind.  I want this to be a happy post, because we are at home with our sweet little boy, but there are still so many emotions that I go through daily.  Every day I relive the past three weeks and I cannot believe that we are at home now.  Thursdays (when he was airlifted to Little Rock) and Saturdays (when he was at his worst and was intubated) are the hardest days and I relive every minute of those days.  I hope this will get easier over time.
It still feels a little surreal to be at home and nothing looks the same to me.  We have the best friends in the world.  We came home to welcome signs, flowers on the table, our mail delivered to us, a refrigerator full of food and meals brought to us.  Thank you so much again.  We appreciate it and it means a lot to us.
Evan has been doing well at home and we are starting to experience some of the normal baby issues such as reflux and tummy aches.  I am watching him like a hawk and am constantly worried, but overall I am doing better than I thought I would.  My biggest worry is that I would miss some of the warning signs of him getting worse again.  How do I know that his heart and kidneys are still functioning good enough?  How do I know the blood clot is really gone and not a new one has formed?  How do I know his blood pressure is still under control?  He looks so perfect though and I just have to trust in that.  It is going to take a little time to get used to our new normal and hopefully some of my anxiety and paranoia will ease up.  I am also a little sleep deprived, which does not make things easier.  Our night time schedule is pretty packed.  Here is what last night looked like: 11pm medicine, 1am nursing, 2am Hannah woke up and Scott went in to stay with her, 2:30 medicine, 4am nursing, 6am nursing again, 7am medicine and shortly after that Hannah was up for the day.  Trust me I am not complaining, I just want to document what my nights look like right now.

Last bottle in the hospital

Packing up our stuff

Getting dressed for the big occasion

Hannah is still loving on him every chance she gets.  She has been a wonderful big sister.  She likes to hold him, change his diaper and sing to him.

This was Hannah waiting outside of the CVICU the day we left the hospital.  She hadn't seen Evan in 3 weeks and was just so excited!

We finally came through the doors with Evan

Right before going outside for the first time

Hannah wanted to sleep next Evan that night.  She made herself a little bed on the floor, so she can be next to him and tell us if he cries.

On the drive home

Home Sweet Home

Finally sleeping in his own bed